PTMs, Parenting and Problems
This PTM, I had the opportunity to meet more than 40 parents. I came into these conversations expecting to talk about academics, progress, concerns and the usual things that come up when school and parents sit together. But I came away with something much bigger. I came away thinking about parenting.
I genuinely believe that parenting today is one of the most challenging roles we have ever had to take on.
Parents today are busier than ever.
There is an enormous pressure to earn, provide, secure the future, manage homes, build careers and make sure our children have every opportunity. Our children may not always hear our worries, but they certainly sense them.
And perhaps that is why I feel we need to look at parenting today with a little more kindness towards ourselves.
One of the strongest patterns I noticed during these conversations was the impact of screen time on our children's ability to focus. Many parents spoke about children finding it difficult to sit with a task, read for a sustained period, complete work independently or simply stay with something that does not immediately excite them.
Perhaps we need to consciously create more spaces where children can experience boredom, conversation, reading, play and simply doing nothing. Boredom is not wasted time. It is where imagination, patience and independent thinking often begin.
The second thing that stayed with me was the growing influence of peers on our children's choices and ambitions.
Children today don't just compare themselves with the child sitting next to them. They compare themselves with an entire world. What their friends are doing. Where they are travelling. What they are wearing. Which college someone wants to go to. Who scored what. Who is popular. Who is invited. Who has the latest phone. Who has more followers.
And slowly, without us realising it, “What do I want?” can become “What will everyone else think?”
Sometimes we are so focused on the next mark, the next grade and the next milestone that we forget to ask the simplest question: “Are you okay?” That question matters. Perhaps more than we realise.
I also want to say something to the parent who is sitting at home worrying that they are not doing enough. You are probably doing more than you think.
And perhaps our children don't need perfect parents. They need present parents. Parents who notice. Parents who listen. Parents who can say no. Parents who are willing to hold a boundary even when it is easier to give in. Parents who allow children to experience disappointment, consequences and failure.
Parents who can also say, “I got that wrong.”
Our children need to know that their marks can change, their choices can change, their interests can change, their careers can change, but their worth at home does not change.
So, as we move beyond this PTM, perhaps let's not take home only a list of things our children need to improve.
Let's take home a few things we can look at too.
How much are we talking to them? How much are we listening without immediately solving? How much of their day is spent on a screen? How much of their life is driven by comparison? And how often do we remind them that we love them even if they have or haven't performed well?
Because ultimately, we are not just raising students. We are raising human beings.
The world will teach them how to compete. School will teach them how to learn. Technology will teach them how to access information.
But home has the privilege of teaching them who they are at their best and their worst.
So, dear parents, please be kind to yourselves.
There is no perfect way to parent in today's world.
We are all figuring it out. We will get some things right and some things wrong.
We will lose our patience. We will worry too much. We will sometimes say yes when we should have said no and sometimes say no when perhaps we should have listened a little more.
That does not make us bad parents.
It makes us simply human. ♥️
