Letter from the Principal's Desk

The Lies We Hear

Dear Parents,

Greetings.

Recently, I found myself thinking about a student who had been sharing stories with me about his life, his relationship with his mother, his friends and how little attention he felt he received at home and school. When I reached out to the parent to understand things better, I realised that much of what I had been told was not true. When I checked in the classroom, he was fine.

Honestly, it left me wondering. What makes a young person feel the need to make up stories about their own life?

I could have simply been upset about the dishonesty. But I found myself thinking about something else. What was this child trying to get from these stories that he felt he could not get by being himself?

Perhaps it was attention. Perhaps sympathy. Perhaps the feeling of being important to someone. I cannot claim to know his reasons, and I would not want to assume them. But the incident made me think about how often children feel the need to present a version of themselves that they believe others will accept.

Think about how this plays out in everyday life.

• A child insists they have studied when they haven't, because admitting the truth means facing disappointment.
• A teenager creates an online life that looks happier, more exciting or more popular than the one they are actually living.
• A young person tells parents one story and teachers another, trying to keep both sides happy. Sometimes, they even convince themselves that everything is fine when they know it isn't.
• Sometimes children lie about appreciation received in school or their teacher when someone else received it instead.

One lie may seem insignificant at first. But then comes the next one, to protect the first, and another to make the story believable. Before long, keeping up appearances becomes exhausting. The child is so busy protecting the version of themselves they have created that there is little room left to understand who they really are.

And that is what troubles me.

What begins as an attempt to gain approval can slowly become a life spent pretending.

I am not suggesting that we excuse dishonesty or stop holding children accountable

Trust is fundamental to every relationship, and children need to learn that their choices have consequences. But I do think we need to look beyond the lie itself.

Have we made it possible for our children to tell us the truth, even when it is not what we want to hear?

Our children need boundaries. They also need to know that the truth will not cost them our willingness to listen.

At school, this is where I believe connection before correction matters.

It does not mean that we turn a blind eye to dishonesty. It means that we make the effort to understand the child, address the behaviour and help them take responsibility without reducing them to the mistake they have made.

We want children who can look us in the eye and say, "I got it wrong." Children who can ask for help without feeling inadequate. Teenagers who do not have to manufacture a life to feel worthy of attention or belonging.

And perhaps the most important thing we can offer them is the reassurance that they do not have to be impressive, successful or perfect to be accepted.

They can be ordinary, uncertain, struggling and still be worthy of our time and care.

Let us raise children who feel safe enough to tell us the truth, brave enough to own their mistakes, and secure enough to know that they do not have to pretend to be someone else to matter.